| In part 1 of this series (seen here: we were | | | | Ergonomic Chair Design Based On Years Of |
| introduced to Kneelsit.com, an Australian | | | | Research Lets You |
| manufacturer of ergonomic computer chairs who | | | | Sit For Hours With No Back Pain |
| was in search of a high conversion rate. After | | | | The Opening Paragraph |
| spotting several trouble areas within Kneelsit's | | | | The original copy started out just fine by naming |
| original copy (viewable here: I set out to rewrite | | | | some important benefits, but it didn't back them |
| the home page with specific goals in mind. | | | | up. After pointing out the relief of stress and pain, |
| The Rewrite | | | | it went directly into an explanation about the |
| I really felt for the users of these chairs. They | | | | chair's patent. |
| had back problems and medical issues, trying | | | | The new copy took a cleaner path. It started by |
| desperately to find relief. I can only imagine how it | | | | pointing out that others (users and professionals) |
| must feel to sit in pain all day, every day. And, | | | | liked the chair, and then it proceeded (in the next |
| after seeing so many false claims for other chairs, | | | | section) to explain why. |
| I could understand how they might be skeptical. | | | | The original copy tried to educate readers about |
| So, after reading the new home page copy, I | | | | the importance of continuous movement and |
| wanted the site visitors to have confidence, to | | | | natural balance. There is nothing wrong with |
| see the difference in the Kneelsit chair and to | | | | educating your customers; however, you need to |
| understand the benefits this chair would offer. | | | | give ample space to do that. Because the visitors |
| Of course, those in chronic pain were not the only | | | | had limited information about these two benefits |
| visitors to the Kneelsit site. While they were the | | | | on the home page, they may have been |
| primary segment, the audience also consisted of | | | | confused or - at the least - unpersuaded. |
| those with mild back pain, those with inconsistent | | | | The new copy held firm on one feature: the |
| problems or simple fatigue, and those who simply | | | | swivel axel mechanism. It explained how this |
| wanted a comfortable chair that wouldn't | | | | helped with customization of settings to fit every |
| contribute to any future back problems. The copy | | | | body type and more. With minimal education |
| also needed to meet their needs and provide the | | | | needed, the customer was able to understand |
| information they were seeking. | | | | that this one, patented feature offered multiple |
| You can see the revised copy here: | | | | benefits. |
| The Headline | | | | Rather than simply listing shipping details for the |
| The original headline did, in fact, list benefits. It | | | | close of the copy, the new version of the home |
| stated: | | | | page pointed out some additional benefits |
| Superb Comfort, Perfect Posture, Gentle | | | | pertaining to quality and stylishness. |
| Movement, Natural Balance | | | | As I wrote, I looked for places to use the |
| However, only one of those benefits spoke to | | | | keyphrases chosen for this page. This was |
| audience members... Superb Comfort. While | | | | absolutely not a numbers game. My goal was not |
| posture may have been a secondary thought, | | | | to use the keyphrases as often as I possibly |
| gentle movement and natural balance didn't strike | | | | could. That approach is not SEO copywriting, in |
| a chord simply because of a lack of knowledge. | | | | my book. |
| As it happens, these two benefits are important, | | | | Basing your copywriting strategy simply on the |
| but the general population doesn't understand | | | | sheer volume of times you can include |
| what they mean. It would require educating the | | | | keyphrases makes the copy sound forced and |
| site visitors about these two before they would | | | | ridiculous. In fact, on this home page, the |
| grasp their full meaning. That education couldn't | | | | keyphrases were only used a total of four or five |
| take place within the headline (not enough room!), | | | | times. Yet, to the amazement of some, the |
| so those two benefits needed to be removed. | | | | home page ranks in the top 10 (and often top |
| The headline needed to evoke feelings of trust | | | | five) for its chosen key terms. |
| for the skeptical and a sense of stability for the | | | | The Results |
| hesitant. It also needed to provide an obvious | | | | Did it work? Did the changes bring out the results |
| benefit - one that would catch the reader's | | | | we wanted? They sure did! When asked about |
| attention. | | | | improved conversions, the owner of had this to |
| Also, because it made sense to do so, I included | | | | say, "Our conversion rate has definitely improved |
| one keyphrase in the headline. The new headline | | | | since the rewrite... probably by around 35-40%! |
| read: | | | | |